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It's been a while [03 Nov 2004|04:35pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I'd be lying if the reason I claimed I updated this page was positive. The fact of the matter is, I miss him. It's been a little over a month now since I packed up and left. He never did respond to the message I sent him. Maybe he's just been busy. Maybe the site messed up. I know it isnt worth getting upset over to other people. Whatever. I know in my heart it hurts. Everytime I don't fit in around here, it hurts. Luckily school keeps me focused. Some day, I shall return to Pennsylvania a better man than when I left for good..some day.


UTI HOUSTON CAMPUS BITCHES [05 Oct 2004|10:25pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I guess I'm officially in college now. Hell I even have a crappy overpriced apartment. It's the hotspot. You know how we roll here. I'm beat. Hit me up on AIM. More updates within the next few days.


[05 Sep 2004|03:30pm]
Well, here we are. First update since the big move of the best of my rants over to Xanga. It's been an interesting weekend to say the least. Well, not really. No actually it's been downright fucking boring. Infact I can honestly say I should have went to work on Saturday morning. But, regardless I'm going to move on to more important things.

Today I started calling down the list of people interested in finding a roomate who start on the same day I am. After about five calls with no luck. I got ahold of this guy from Indiana. He seems pretty cool. We're both in the same boat pretty much and we're looking to leave our respective homes on the same dates so, I think I've found a winner.

That said, it's been hard for me to think about some of the loose ends that I'll be leaving up here. Granted I can honestly say that I feel like I never really had a lot of true friends in Pennsylvania, there's something in my heart that when I think of various people that I didn't feel shitty around, that hurts to leave. Danny, Tony, etc. People I knew from school that I never got to make amends with, or seriously talk to. Then again, they were probably not worth thinking about anyway. It's my mothers gift to me that I worry so much about shit that doesn't matter. At least, I'm changing for the better, albeit a slow change. But change none the less.

This is certainly an odd feeling. Knowing that somehting big is about to happen, but knowing all the details of whats going to go down. I guess it's normal. I know this is what I want to do.

One thing that has really stuck out in my mind is the fact I've been thinking of this guy I saw back in January. I've often thought about him ever since. I miss him. I sent Erik a message on this site. Hopefully he'll get it before I leave. There's a lot of shit I want to say. That might sound weird to some but. Misguided to people it may seem, at least I'm acting on whatevers left of my heart is sincerely telling me to do. For better or worse.

Maybe I'm going soft again. But I think that I'm allowed to over the one person whom made me feel non shitty whenever we conversed. It's worth one last shot.

News. [01 Sep 2004|08:04pm]
I've finally broken down and gotten myself an Xanga in an attempt to get my political stuff out to people who are local friends. Anyone who reads the current RZC is more than welcome to read and comment my site at


Fear not. This site will remain up, I just plan on making this into a more personally oriented site. Look for a new update by Monday.

[29 Aug 2004|01:51pm]
It's funny how throughout my life I've never thought about this. I know, I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. But I never really thought about it deeply. I just know it's there. It only takes one thing to set me over the edge, and put me down for days at a time. Sometimes weeks. A sad song in this case, but it can be anything. When it happens, it's as if you can see the sunshine fading away in your world and all your left with is darkness and despair. However I still soldier on through it. I have no other choice. Even if I only live to make those who would wish me to fail completely angry. However, I am aware that I try to steer this blog away from my personal problems, I just happened to think it's an interesting introspective look at myself.

So, here we are coming up on an election, once again between the lesser of two evils. Low and behold I was watching TV last night and came apon C-SPAN, there was some sort of GLBT Conference going on hosted by the Log Cabin Republicrats, and a bunch of Democommies. All it amounted to was more feel good slop. Like somehow our kind makes some kind of difference when we "vote" for the one party system. They waffled over Gay Marriage, how gays belong under the Equal Opportunity Employment (non discrimination) act, and how we need to ally ourselves with people who merely want more Government controll over our lives so we can somehow get a measure of "equality". When you actually think about what they want, their "equality" is basically mediocrity for everyone, gay or straight. According to them we have about four million registered GLBT voters, in 2000 twenty five percent voted for GWB, this year it's planned to be less than that. In the election before that, mostly all GLBT voters voted for Clinton.

All this proves to me is that, much like our hetero counterparts we are merely a group of hogs, nosing through the trough, feeding and blissfully grunting on whatever shit that the Boot on your neck party, or the ACLU, or whatever socialist organization decides to feed us to make us feel like we're actually worth something to them. No, we are not. Infact, we are worthless. Just another political football to be kicked around for the amusement of other hogs. The fact of the matter is, if more GLBT pulled their head out of their ass, or out of their boyfriends they'd realize that by voting for either the Demoncrats of the Republicrats we're merely authorizing our own destruction. By consenting to either of them you're not getting the community any further along. All you're doing is letting the Government dip a little further into your wallet and into your Liberties, which as Americans you have a sacrosanct responsibility to protect.

Gay people should realize that more than anyone else in this nation, that without Liberty, we have nothing. Which, is why it continually amazes me that with such creative power in this group of people I belong to nobody even thinks about the Libertarian option. How could you be homosexually oriented and not be a libertarian. How could you be that stupid as to not realize that the Libertarian party is the only party that recognizes your freedom to live your life as you wish as long as you are not initiating force against another?

No, more crap is coming down the trough. The hogs, all of them, will grunt again and while the farmer finishes sharpening his blade. I hope you all choke on your slop looking for that apple that will change your lives. The longer I exist as a strong, freedom loving Bisexual American the longer I realize that by letting the media and public schools tell us how we are to live, we are the most worthless of all Americans. It's time to wake up, become Libertarians, embrace the Constitution, especially the 2nd Amendment and look up from the trough.

I die free.

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